If I Die Young
by Hari-Deity
Summary: Germany has always wondered why he couldn't remember his childhood, and often seeks answers. Prussia and Austria only give him lies. Even Italy is hiding something, but he knows he's finding out the past through his dreams.


**This is a fanfiction up for the competition. Look at the new notice on my profile for more information.**

**A/N: Hey.**

**Yes, I am one of the believers of HRE being Germany. It's hard to ignore. Um, yeah... that's what's going on.**

**There isn't much to say this time around, there aren't many warnings except well, maybe there'll be swears, and some gore... excuse my historical inaccuracy, I study on Wikipedia. And, as usual, Netherlands is female, just because I like her better as a supporting character, and there I no arguments on her name.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any franchise or propaganda mentioned in this fic.**

_I stood on the battle field, tasting and smelling the blood and gunpowder in the air. I was only a kid! What was I doing on a battlefield? This wasn't right, I should be home, painting or something, not fighting for my country. I felt myself draw my sword that was far to big for myself and hold it in front of me. It was as if I was a stranger in my body. Why did I have to do it? Why did I have to be here? Why couldn't I be protecting her, at the house? Were Austria and Hungary faring well? Gah! I didn't have time to worry about such trivial things when I couldn't even control my own limbs. I felt the movement of my soldiers behind me and knew they were charging. I swallowed hard as I watched more people run past, some countries, some not. There was Netherlands... poor girl, hopping from ruler to ruler. And Switzerland... or were they just people that looked like them? I couldn't think anymore as I heard the first shots. Without warning, I started charging and it all went black._

_I never got to tell her..._

I sat up in my familiar bed, panicking. I looked at the things, my books, my closet, the music box on the bed stand Italy gave me. I breathed heavy to calm myself down and swung my feet off the bed. I ignored the messy state of it in my daze and walked up through the house. I found myself at the attic trapdoor and knocked. When no one answered, I took it on myself to walk in.

The state of the small room was horrible, only because it was Prussia's and he hadn't been on a cleaning rampage lately. I picked my way through the food wrappers and clothes to stand by his bed.

I poked his side softly to wake him up, but it it didn't do quite that. He rolled over out of my reach and grumbled something about pancakes and "Awesome". I furrowed my brow again and poked him harder. I did that until he opened one red eye to look up at me.

"West..." He warned and looked at the digital clock. "It's barely 3:00. There's no way you expect me to wake up right now. I went to sleep barely and hour ago."

"Bruder." I said quietly. "Why can't I remember when I was a kid?" He froze. He didn't move from his spot of the bed, his face half smashed into the bed and the blanket wrapped around him, making him look like a caterpillar.

He sat like that for what seemed like forever, his eye darting around the room, focusing on anything but me. Eventually, he rolled back over, shed his blanket, and sat on the edge on the bed to look at me.

"Silly." He whispered. "Just like last time, and the time before, and the time before that, you slipped in the kitchen while Vati was making breakfast and you hit your head real hard." He gave an awkward smile and chuckled. "Maybe you should go to sleep, West." He sighed and patted my shoulder.

I looked down at his fake smile and sighed. No one gave me a strait answer, ever. The dreams weren't common enough to worry, but they came often enough so that I was always thinking about why I couldn't remember anything before I woke up that one day as a teenager in France's house. I didn't tell my family the specifics about how I woke up because they'd formulate a new lie to add to that one.

I was snapped back to reality by Prussia rolling over again and looking at me with the scarily bright red eyes.

"Sleep in today." He muttered. "I'll take care of breakfast and the meeting." He sighed and rolled over completely. He had the serious tone he got when ever I was second guessing something or whenever I was worried. I could trust him with the stuff he said.

I turned around and walked through the halls again before plopping into my bed. I stared at the closed door for a few seconds, wondering what really happened.

I went through the moments of the dream like every time this happened. The only thing that really stuck out was "Her". Who was this "She" that I obsessed over in the dream?

I wracked my memories, trying to find a picture of the her, but I failed.

Instead of killing my brain, I turned my attention to the small box on my bed stand. I pulled the chain out from my sleep shirt and immediately found the key on the end. I twisted it inside the box and set the thing down.

I listened to the eerie music for a while, staring at the turning cogs before closing it and laying back down.

Just as I thought, I didn't sleep. The good thing was that at six, I heard Prussia quietly walking up to my door. I pretended to be asleep as he walked through the door quietly. I felt him standing above the bed, looking down at me. He soon left and I heard him in the kitchen and on the phone. He was talking to England by the sound of it.

I looked at the small amount on sunlight trickling through the window. Sunrise.

Before long, I stood up, looking out at the landscape of my backyard. It wasn't even a yard, it was more like a pasture, or a field or something like that.

I watched the sun rise and ignored how it burned my eyes. It wasn't too bad. Italy told me first to look at the sun rise. He was right, it was calming indeed. I looked away at my room and sighed. It was almost impossible for it to get to this state.

A few hours of my time was spent cleaning the house to it's usual spotless condition. Once I was done, I sat out in the kitchen, overlooking the huge lawn. The grass was short and I saw my dogs rolling around in it. I had to chuckle when one tried to swim in the pond. It was nice being alone for once, as Prussia, or someone else was always there.

Another hour passed and I stood from the table. I couldn't stop thinking about that dream. I'd had others like it, but I never got to know who "she" was.

I wandered back to my room, mindlessly, falling into my bed, not caring to undress or pull up the sheets or anything. Maybe sleeping again would cure me of my rampant thoughts.

I sighed when another hour passed and I could only roll around in my bed.

Today would be another long day.

**A/N2: Remember to check out the notice on the top of my page and vote for your favorite story!**


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